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Posted 20 hours ago

Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself

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About this deal

I saw that clients who were trying the hardest to be nice people also felt the most anxious, guilty, and frustrated.” I have the right to offer anything to anyone, any number of times (and they have the right to say no). I have the right to change my mind; I do not always need to be logical and consistent. Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the boldest, expressive, authentic version of you. I never thought I could be capable of being so assertive, confident, and in control. I used to come across obviously assertive people and be jealous, even resentful toward them because I wished I could be like them. I wished I could have their confidence.

That’s how I feel about a lot of self-help and business books at this point – unless they are super niched and tactical, they are all too similar to keep my interest.

I have the right to say “no” to anything I don’t want to do, for any reason, without needing to justify it or give an excuse.

A good example is how kids just say what’s on their minds. They simply blurb stories mid way and start talking with enthusiasm about absolutely none-sense with no censorship nor concern about what you MIGHT think of them or their story! They just assume you will like it because they genuinely like it themselves. I loved the content of this book! A lot of details on our conditioning to become nice and how the environmental pressures start taking us to not be ourselves under the notion of you are not nice! Soon enough we start becoming timid because we don’t want to be perceived as not nice or a-holes.This book gives you a new pair of eyes that you can never close. You see things you never saw before. You realize just how much people apologize for ANYTHING that doesn't warrant an apology. Resourceful insight , Aziz offers many mind refraiming tools for the habitants living in the "Nice Valley" that want to "Christopfor Columbing" their way out of it.

I'm at a point in my life where I'm doing a lot of inward reflection, and Not Nice was the ideal book for me right now. Not Nice is for people like myself who struggle to be assertive and direct and tend to take the more polite route, often at our own expense.This was like WOW! I am personally a very empathic person and would usually care that other people are feeling great in my presence. However this resonated with me because people’s choices to feel good or bad is like I said A CHOICE, that I have nothing to do with. The core mindset of assertiveness is: My needs matter and so do yours. Let’s have a clear discussion about what we both want to see, what might work best for us both. Sometimes I will choose what serves me, even if it upsets you. And sometimes you will do something for yourself, even if I don’t like it.

I have the right to choose how much I want to see a friend or someone I’m dating, and end the relationship if it does not feel desirable to me. here's what this book is not: it isn't a miracle. it's not going to fix you or your life. it isn't an intellectual, research-filled data oriented book about psychology. it doesn't hold the secrets of the universe and it won't give you all the answers you're looking for. and it certainly isn't going to do all the work for you. I would have given this 3 stars and a more nuanced review but then I got to the part where he approaches a woman on her cell phone to ask her what she’s talking about. He did this as a dare/exercise in experiencing awkwardness. Honey, no. There are so many layers of why a man shouldn’t do this and it’s hard to imagine he’s not aware of them. Instead, his actions stated that his self-improvement was more important than her sense of safety. Context exists. You can choose to ignore it but that doesn’t make you bold and authentic; it makes you a bit of a jerk.This book as made me incredibly assertive, REALLY spiked my confidence, lowered my anxiety, and even lessened my stuttering. And it goes away more and more every day. The author has the competence and also the experience to break down such a complex topic. He is diving deep, though subconscious limiting believes and brings to light the very deep motives that makes one believe something is deeply wrong with him and provide actionable steps out of it.

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