Living with the Dominator

Product Information

I was fortunate enough to meet and work with Sharon when she was the Advocacy Manager at Woman’s Trust and I was working for Westminster City Council. We don't talk about our own experiences, enabling a safe way to take part without anyone knowing what has happened to you. Written by a former probation officer for men convicted of abuse in Britain, this is a clear and concise take on the personality types of domineering men (the author acknowledges that women can exhibit these behaviors, too, but that the overwhelming majority of abusers and all of her work experience is with men being the aggressor). My only criticism is that every scenario is “worst case scenario” it doesn’t really touch upon the “everyday” cases of mental or physical abuse or dare I phrase it is the mental abuse that is accepted as “normal”.

We must never answer back, have an opinion or make our own decisions’ – tells us we are stupid, ugly fat, useless.If attending our face to face sessions you will receive a free copy of ‘Living With The Dominator’ and a copy of The Home Study Workbook which is a supplement to ‘Living With The Dominator’. We have a dedicated Data Protection Officer who has responsibility for monitoring compliance, educating staff, providing advice and co-operating with the supervisory authority. I am trying to understand what happened in my childhood and was recommended this book to understand how my parents relationship may have impacted on me.

I am now a 29 year old woman suffering the consequences and have struggled my whole life with anxiety, low self esteem and feelings of guilt and shame. However I am very much not in a violent relationship so that wasn’t the purpose I was reading this for. Another of our facilitators uses them for her Freedom Programme for women with learning disabilities. This included other ‘professionals’ and the women and girls whose lives could be changed or even saved if they were just given this vital information. What I really like about this book as well is each chapter then lists the opposite of how a partner should behave and how you should be treated.As a result, we have received several requests from schools, police, judges, lawyers, social workers and our many Freedom Programme Facilitators to amalgamate all the animations and create an audio-visual pack. Women do abuse but Pat Craven works mostly with males) dominance is still inbred in some males in our society. Unfortunately, much of the book seems like a list of rather specific anecdotes with limited reference to the psychology of the "man" and how it affects his actions. If we look at this cycle, we can see that at no point is The Dominator actually angry or out of control. I don't think that I would be here today, relaxed in my own home with my children that I love so much".

I am Pat Craven a former probation officer who ran perpetrator programmes for Merseyside Probation Service in the UK between 1996 and 1998. The aim is to help them to make sense of and understand what has happened to them, instead of the whole experience just feeling like a horrible mess. In fact, most of the women involved with such men had no real understanding of what was happening to them.Attending a programme with other women going through the same situation offers confirmation of what is happening, as it can all be very confusing. You really have been amazing, and to be honest, I wouldn’t have been able to cope with Child Protection without you.

The main drawback for me is that it sometimes feels like elements are missing - the impact on children, abusers who don't use violence but are still able to enforce the rules once their victim "disobeys", etc. I feel that the negative comments towards social workers in the course content do not help instil confidence in our ability to help and support them either and think they so may confirm fears of survivors and make them reluctant to seek support when needed. Go to the police today, don't think you don't want them to get in trouble, what they have done to you is wrong and they know what they have done is wrong, they deserve to be dealt with by the authorities and you deserve freedom. For anyone who has been in a violent relationship, but also anybody who has struggled with mismatched belief systems around gender or parenting roles etc, that have caused issues in a relationship. However, it does state this book should be read along side attending the Freedom Project so maybe this would be touched upon there instead.it is quite outdated and although learning about all the tactics was useful, I felt that the content could have included work on the self and the survivors identity as well as boosting self esteem and confidence, rather that centering around the perpetrator. One of our facilitators has been playing one of the animations to the women on her programme every week at the end of each session. An on-line version of the programme is being developed to help fill the need for information especially for international clientele. It can help readers of any age and sexual orientation to change their own behavior and to recognise when they are being controlled.