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Our default is to get trapped inside-the-mind: we give it all our attention, take it very seriously, believe the things it says to us, and obey what it tells us to do. This book was a little too self-helpy for me, but did include a few different exercises that seem worth trying. Of course, our minds are quick to point out that if our partners were more compatible, if they didn’t have so many differences from us, then our relationships would be much easier. That’s all very well,” I hear you say, “ but what happens if I choose option 2, and I do all the work, while my partner makes no effort at all?
Option 3: Stay But Either Do Things That Make No Difference or Make It Worse All too often people stay in a problematic relationship, but instead of actively working to improve it, they worry, stew, ponder, blame, judge, analyze it to death, complain to others, or obsess about it. Obviously, no caregiver is perfect, but if their tendency is to act in this way often and repeatedly, the child will not feel secure in that relationship. But look at the real person and discover just the opposite: there you'll find depth, life, and meaning. They require communication, negotiation, compromise, and a lot of acceptance of differences; they also require you to stand up for yourself, to be honest about your desires and your feelings, and—in some situations, where something vitally important to your health and well-being is at stake—to absolutely refuse to compromise.
If you think of love as an ongoing process of letting go, opening up, valuing, and engaging, then it is always available to you—even when the feelings of love are absent. However, as most of self-help books, the sheer number of cheesy acronyms and long-winded exercises don't get me on.
There’s No Way Not to Choose When you’re facing the “stay or go” dilemma, there is no way not to choose. If we want any relationship to thrive whether it’s with your partner, friends, family, coworkers, and so on it’s essential to know not only what our rights are, but also those of the other person involved. And the stress and tedium of everyday life and work can often drive a wedge between even the most devoted couples. Option 2: Stay and live by your values: do what you can to improve things, make room for the pain that goes with it, and treat yourself kindly.Differences Are Normal Most of us have had thoughts at times like, “If only my partner were more like me, things would be so much easier. By the end of this book, you’ll have the necessary tools to effectively deal with all these problems and more. Since it’s for a couple, I’d expect to have tear out pages so that you have two copies to give you time and not waste it.
Title: ACT with love : stop struggling, reconcile differences, and strengthen your relationship with acceptance and commitment therapy / by Russ Harris. And in their wake come anger, sadness, anxiety, guilt, disappointment, frustration, or other painful emotions. When we allow ourselves to be close to and open with another to let them past our defenses and into our heart then we allow ourselves to get hurt. Now it’s a given that difficult thoughts and feelings will show up when there are problems in your relationship; you can’t expect to feel happy, content, and relaxed amid ongoing tension and conflict. It's quite the opposite; it reinforces a healthy way to stand up for ourselves that shows lots of self-respect and respect for our partner while staying consistent with who we are at the core.
Tension and conflict are inevitable, and when they occur, all those wonderful loving feelings fly out the window. Your partner may refuse to talk to you, she may criticize you in scathing tones, or go out on the town with her friends, but deep inside, she hurts just as you are. The title reflects a key theme in the book - that popular ideas about happiness are misleading, inaccurate, and actually make us miserable in the long term.
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