Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

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Healthy equilibrium in a relationship is possible only when both people are equally committed to these things: healthy habits, self-awareness, and empathy for the feelings of the other person

In my opinion, the book could've been much stronger if the author had taken more time with the book. It feels rushed in many ways, including the fact that she's admittedly still dealing with a lot of the things that she's speaking as an expert on.Unhealed grief will spill, or sometimes even spew onto other people, like our kids, family members, and friends, and can even contribute to Long Term mental health issues. Is it unloving or selfish to set a boundary? Are Christians ever called to walk away from a relationship that’s no longer safe or sustainable? Lysa TerKeurst deeply understands these hard questions in the midst of relational struggles. If you do, you will spend your life managing opinions so that you can feel good about yourself. (Others based self-esteem)

Is it unloving or selfish to set a boundary? And what does the Bible instruct us to do when a relationship is no longer safe or sustainable? Lysa TerKeurst has asked these hard questions in the midst of her own relational struggles.

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I had to let go of that picture in my mind I’ve clung to, and cried over, stared at and sulked over. God let Adam and Eve face the consequences of their own choices. It was necessary to end their access to the garden. Mature people can disagree, but still respect the sanity of the other person. Mature people are willing to see the impact Their actions are having on the other person and make reasonable adjustments. Despite the book seemingly being born out of her trauma, Terkeurst does not focus on her situation; she does not discuss any overly personal details, and she avoids painting anyone in a bad light. Instead, Terkeurst comes across like a therapist for whatever the reader is going through in their relationships. Terkeurst focuses on what’s happening inside the reader and helps them work through their experiences in a healthy way. Romans 12:18 if possible, which imply sometimes it is not possible. If possible, live at peace with everyone.

On the bright side, her ending was powerful and brought me to tears. I also enjoyed the section at the end with Scripture verses and how to interpret them in healthy ways. But those nuggets of wisdom weren’t enough to overcome the rest of the book. We can’t enable bad behavior in ourselves and others, and call it love. We can’t tolerate destructive patterns and call it love. We can’t pride ourselves on being loyal and long-suffering in our relationships when it’s really perpetuating violations of what God says love is. God has grace but his grace was there to lead people to better behavior not to enable bad behavior. It’s my responsibility not to let another’s personal actions and expectations wear me down to the worst version of myself.”

But after thousands of hours of counseling intensives and extensive theological research that transformed the way she defined healthy relationships, Lysa is now more committed than ever to loving people well without losing the best of who she is. She wants to help you do the same. In this book Lysa will help you: by Lysa TerKeurst | Nov 17, 2022 | Blog, Good Boundaries and GoodbyesDo you have a relationship in your life where you know something is wrong, but you can’t figure out what to do? You’ve prayed about this behavior or situation. You’ve talked about this. You’ve tried to navigate it. You may have even tried to stop it. You’ve made... Sober minded which means clearheaded and attentive to what’s going on or maintaining control over yourself. Your boundary should help set the stage so your emotions can stay more regulated, you can maintain a sense of safety, and you can feel empowered to make necessary changes. Early in the book, Terkeurst writes, “I’ll be with you as we trust God to lead us through every word and every step. And you’ll also hear from my Christian counsellor Jim Cress, who will weigh in with therapeutic insights throughout the book.” The book applies current best practices in therapy and relationship counselling to its subject matter. Additionally, it heavily relies on biblical teachings and narratives to help reinforce each point. Most of the book comes from Terkeurst’s personal experiences, and these outside sources support her main topics. Terkeurst does not present any false information; however, her interpretation of the Christian scriptures is sometimes questionable. (I don’t think it’s fair to say her interpretations are wrong. I only mean that someone could argue for a compelling interpretation that contradicts what Terkeurst sometimes.) Nevertheless, the book seems accurate in what it teaches and encourages the reader to learn.