The PDA Paradox: The Highs and Lows of My Life on a Little-Known Part of the Autism Spectrum

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It gives you time to think of a way to reject the demand in a less abrupt manner, and it will remove the pressure of having to do it in person. Now, the author of PDA Paradox: The Highs and Lows of My Life on a Little-Known Park of the Autism Spectrum educates parents and teachers that a disruptive kid or class clown may be as anxious, if not more, than the fidgety child. These are parents who have tried everything — these parents have gone through different therapists, and they've tried medications with their kids, and they've tried parenting classes, and they're exhausted,” Henderson says. The result: a kid who sees themselves as a “bad” kid, and parents who see themselves as “bad” parents. I don’t know about you but, from a young age, the overwhelming and ever present demand of conforming and following precise life points has been the most intense and inescapable demands of my life. HT: “A sense of ‘Am I in the wrong place?’ upon reaching the age at which I was old enough to question my place in the world.”

Don’t beat yourself up for not being able to go see that film you were planning on watching or another activity that you can’t get past the wall to do. Personally, I find it increasingly frustrating when I want to do something (like sitting and writing this article) but just CAN’T. Hilarious…love your stuff. Its taken me sixty-five years to come to this conclusion about my self. I always used the adage ” Eh.. (I’m Canadian)…I’m a free spirit”. My wife says “Rebel Without a Clue” as a twist of that old 1955 movie with James Dean.

Harry Thompson, who can claim PDA among his diagnoses, tells us that it has a neurological basis and is independent of one's past experience. Nature not nurture. The demand to see it this way is one I am (pathologically?) resisting so I googled and found no compelling evidence but much cultural agreement. We want to leave behind the previous cultural agreement that Autism was caused by "refrigerator mothers" (i.e. bad nurture) but I am resistant to the demands of cultural agreements in general. I think Harry would understand this impulse of mine. Harry’s self-described negative behaviors in schools (OMG did he really pee on the classroom bunnies?) were much more outlandish than my son’s but the reasons for his behaviors very likely similar.

Monitor your own communication for subtle demands — you’d be surprised just how many sneak into what we say, Thompson says. “How are you?” demands a specific response. “I love you” demands an “I love you too.” “What’s the plan for today?” demands productivity. The best way to understand PDA and get an insight into this misunderstood and complex condition is from those who live with it each day.

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Many parents describe a “light bulb moment” when reading about PDA. PDA remains a very controversial topic due to the fact it does not currently feature in either of the diagnostic manuals (DSM and ICD.) Traditional autism strategies are not only ineffective when applied to children with PDA but can actually be damaging. Beyond these superficial social skills, however, PDA kids struggle to understand social hierarchy. “These kids often will speak to a teacher as if they themselves are another adult. It’s almost as if they don’t know that they’re a kid,” Henderson says. It’s normal for kids to resist demands. All kids, for instance, go through a natural stage in development where their default response to any request is “no.” Even past toddlerhood, your kid might continue to dig their heels in on doing homework, eating healthy foods, or getting up in the morning. But for some autistic kids, refusing to do what their caregivers say continues long past toddlerhood and goes beyond the occasional mealtime battle. Instead, these kids go to great lengths to evade every request made of them. In China, the UK, and the USA, one can get CoViD, but if you live in the UK, you can also be diagnosed with PDA which a USian cannot. What kind of disease is only available in select locations?

Then there’s the remarkable lengths PDA kids will go to regain a sense of autonomy. They might change the subject, negotiate ("I'll brush my teeth if you put the toothpaste on"), make excuses (“My mom won’t let me”), feign incapacitation (“My hands won’t work!”), physically go limp, or withdraw into fantasy. “They might become a dog or a cat and start growling, biting, or hissing,” Henderson says. The last resort: an utter meltdown.Of course, PDA kids aren’t bad — and parenting them doesn’t have to turn your home into a war zone, Henderson says. The first step to understanding this is to deconstruct the term “Pathological demand avoidance,” Henderson says. “The term ‘pathological’ never helped anyone…It’s way too negative,” Henderson says. “But even more important is the term ‘demand avoidance.’ The core of PDA is not demand avoidance. It isn't.”

Thompson often speaks at his tour events titled, “Harry Thompson Unscripted & Uncensored,” with UK television newscaster, Melanie Sykes, who was diagnosed with autism at 51 after Harry suggested she get an evaluation. HT: “Freedom. Freedom is the chief principal of PDA, and with that comes a reduction in anxiety. This makes me a better person and if people can honour that it makes them easier to deal with.” By finding your tribe, you’ll find that you’re not alone and that these people think and react in the same way that you do, plus these are people who you don’t have to mask in front of. Having the freedom to be yourself is like having the best stretch in the comfiest bed. Find your tribe. If being autistic makes you feel like an alien on this planet then being PDA can sometimes make you feel like a space monster.The many essays I write on a subject spending hours in the making and crafting, only to to toss them in the trash. A biographer and novelist, Thompson wrote six books: an investigation into the story of The Man in the Iron Mask; a biography of Hergé with a commentary on his Adventures of Tintin series; biographies of Peter Cook and Richard Ingrams; a novel, This Thing of Darkness; and the semi-autobiographical Penguins Stopped Play. There is debate about the existence of pathological demand avoidance (PDA) and whether or not it is an autistic profile. We’ve promised to update the community as we continue to look into the issue from all sides. It would be wrong to criticism the book for being unsystematic, as it is not intended to be an analytic review of PDA, but it is a shame that Thompson's wider thoughts about autism and the school system are so shallow. At several points, he suggests that children should be allowed to 'find their own path', and criticises schools and workplaces for their authoritarianism. And these positions are entirely reasonable, of course. But disciplinary practices are not wholly unreasonable impositions. People need to be prevented from drink and drug driving, from punching other boys in the face, and so on. Maybe it is too much to expect from a memoir, but passages where the author gave his personal philosophy were too often just annoying. In a 2005 episode of Have I Got News For You, featuring Alexander Armstrong as host and Fi Glover and Ian McMillan as guest panellists, a message stating "In Memory of Harry Thompson, the first producer of Have I Got News For You (1960–2005)" was displayed.