Rude Stories

Product Information

This man told his girlfriend she's not as hot as Maya Jama — and the internet has opinions The one with the surprise four-way… She’s now at home with her family and has started doing more chores to show an increase in responsibility. She still tries to throw clothes away, citing that she didn’t know they could be washed and reused. Makes me wonder what she thought all those years before college, before she left home. She wore some of the same outfits repeatedly — she had to have known they could be washed. And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. Lions,” says the genie, “ I’m the genie of the lamp and I’ll grant you three wishes. That’s one wish for each of you.”

Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with, ‘I can’t talk now, I’m going into a tunnel.’” – Jimmy Carr

Downstairs Neighbors Left Windows Open On Window Cleaning Day, Now I And Everyone Below Them Won’t Get Our Glass Cleaned And The Cleaners Can’t Work

I was very confused and told her I would open the door and to make sure she was dressed. When I came she was blushed to the maximum sitting on the floor. The whole bath tub was full of liquid vomit thinned with water and tons of fruit swimming around. She went on about how she wasn't able to clean the mess up alone. Apparently she had been trying to shovel the whole tub full of vomit into the toilet using her hands the whole time. The s**t you do when drunk lol. The bath tub was clogged up with fruit so it didn't empty. A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.

An (ex)gf and I had an apartment years ago. She was still in touch with an ex. The Ex and his gf wanted to come to the area and we invited him and his gf to stay with us for the weekend. It was 1969 and Dana was a senior at UCLA. “My girlfriend and I were looking for a place to make ‘nookie’ since my roommate was in my room studying. It was a few days before classes started and the room next door to her room was still vacant, so we went in there and proceeded,” Dana explains. Las Vegas and Glasgow have a lot in common: they’re the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips.” – Frankie Boyle If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?” – Billy Connolly

When My Neighbor In The Building Accused Me Of Lying…

No mam,” Johnny responded, “ but it’s not fair, you standing there all on your own.” 4. On the Starship Enterprise: I used to host extravagant yearly parties at my house as a thank you to everyone who worked for me. Significant others were fine, but I stressed that young kids were not welcome, because it was an adult party and the house/garden just weren’t child-friendly. Having never seen one before, and being naturally curious, they start sniffing around it. As they’re doing this, one of their tails brushes against the lamp and then there’s a ‘Poof!’ sound.’ A genie is suddenly standing in front of them. Disrespectful, impolite, and jaw-droppingly unpleasant, these guests are a host’s worst nightmare. The people of Reddit have opened up about the (dis)pleasure of hosting some of the worst guests ever. Ever! They were very candid about the downright weird and insulting things these folks did when they came over, and the stories would make almost anyone clutch their pearls and gasp, “Oh, my word!” The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup. I said, “Well, I’m pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete just yet.”

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write." Two old Army buddies, Jim and Pete, are sitting up late at night enjoying a bottle of the finest Scotch and reminiscing about old times in foreign places. When I first got with my partner we were at it all of the time, trying new moves and weren’t afraid of anything! Mr and Mrs Smith,” he said, “ I’m sure you’re exaggerating. I’m happy to review their behaviour for you but I’ll be surprised if your boys are any different to any other young kids.”I just froze. I didn’t know what to do,” Eliza recalls. “He’s just shooting the breeze with my boyfriend, and my boyfriend is trying to just play it off and is holding a conversation like I’m not even there. So I just stayed down there, perfectly still, waiting for him to go. He talks for what seems like is eternity (probably only two minutes). Then I hear him say, ‘See ya later… you too Eliza.’ I thought I was going to die of embarrassment.” This French - Italian guy I used to work with. I could seriously write a book about how ignorant, idiotic and illogical this man was, but this story sums it up pretty well: