Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World

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We are craving accountability. Accountability is one of those lost tastes of heaven that made God’s plan for community work for the people in it. And this is not just listening to criticism from anyone and everyone or taking all unfounded theories to heart. It is building relationships and taking... Community type #5: purpose. Purposeful communities are those that share a vision of the world. They don’t always have user groups and are often not geography dependent. Finding people with a common purpose means finding those who share a concrete commitment to a specific cause, and this involves a more sophisticated method of signaling and seeking. For example, Rachel Sklar and Glynnis MacNicol built a tribe of 500 women in tech, which coalesced into an organization called TheLi.st, with whom they share their deepest purpose: to change the ratio of women on conference stages, in investments and as CEOs. We’ve replaced intrusive, real conversations with small talk and soul-bearing, connected living with book clubs—because the superficial stuff is less messy. Fig leaves are still our go-to today, covering our mess with a “doing fine here!” Our attempts to cover shame will never be sufficient—we’ll... What would you say is the number one reason you don’t have friends? The main explanation Allen hears people give is that they’re too busy. Instead of setting up a regular time to meet with friends, people squeeze in a lunch date here and there. Or they attend a monthly club where the conversation never really goes beyond the surface. They may be able to identify aspects of your personality that have eluded you and they may know the types of things that make you happy or stressed.

Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World

In a world that’s both more connected and more isolating than ever before, we’re often tempted to do life alone, whether because we’re so busy or because relationships feel risky and hard. But science confirms that consistent, meaningful connection with others has a powerful impact on ourwell-being. We are meant to live known and loved. But so many are hiding behind emotional walls that we’re experiencing an epidemic of loneliness. One of the biggest strengths of this book was its focus on application. Most chapters had explicit helpful guides on ways to build community. I found myself writing them down and thinking about them more. The book wasn't just platitudes, stories, or even examples of how she did it. Instead there were real good suggestions on ways to make this happen. I particularly appreciated a recurring theme of looking for the people already in front of you. If this is the case, the answer is to try out new things and expose yourself to different types of experiences.

What Does It Feel Like To Be Lost?

I felt like the references to Rwanda and other village communities and their “relationally saner” way of life were romanticized and a stretch of reality. Perhaps I read too far into this, but I felt that this argument carried the assumption that people in village cultures face no or very little relational strife. There are certainly things we can learn from village communities, but I do not believe her explanations did justice to the very real and hard challenges people face in these cultures.

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My earliest memories from childhood are watching, in awe, the depictions of tight-knit friend groups in TV and movies. I’d watch them excitedly on-screen, as though it was a fortune teller showing me a glimpse into my future great-friend-having life. I always assumed that even if I didn’t have the friendships that I saw on TV at that very moment, once I became an adult, they would surely materialize. And maybe you did too. I really thought I’d have friends by now. Don’t get me wrong, I have people I talk to who I really like. I have people I laugh with and see once every six months, people who text me and say we should do something soon, and we might even make plans, but then we each hope the other will cancel because we’re both tired. I have those, yes. But I really thought I’d have friends by now, in the way I understood friendship to mean as a child. Can’t find a deep, biblical community to be vulnerable with? Start one! Here’s how. (Get a firepit) The book is all about trying to create "a village," or your community. It is about trying to find real deep friendships. The main narrative device is talking about her move to Dallas and trying to find friends there. The book is filled with personal stories about the ups and downs of that adventure in gaining, keeping, and losing friends. The Internet is a great place to start looking for your community, but it’s simply one way to find your people.This type of genuine, deep, forever friendship can sound like a fantasy. But in fact, it’s exactly the type of relationship we’re geared for. Jennie Allen posits that God built us to need people. That’s because God Himself exists eternally in relationship –it’s the Trinity. God is one and three at the same time: Father, Spirit, and Son. Together, these three aspects of God exist to glorify one another. He is fundamentally relational. And as creatures fashioned after His image, we are too. It’s inevitable. You will come into conflict with one of your friends –⁠ either because you’ve hurt them or they’ve hurt you. But conflict isn’t a reason to walk away from your friends. In fact, by engaging in conflict, you’re proving your commitment to the relationship. Conflict teaches you the ways in which you’re behaving badly or not loving someone well, and so it enables you to grow. It’s not that there was anything wrong with my family or my school or the few friends I had, or my neighborhood—not at all. We all had our ups and downs, but we moved on and through it and had good times and bad. But I just felt a deep sense that the people around me were aliens. Or I was.

How To Find Yourself: 11 Ways To Discover Your True Identity How To Find Yourself: 11 Ways To Discover Your True Identity

Taking these tests will open up a huge window into the type of person you are. 2. Observe Your Feelings Here’s that link again if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started. Every stranger is a potential friend, as they say. I’ve always been really shy, but when I focused on doing the things I enjoy, I started to get less shy, at least about those things.Prior to the Industrial Revolution, the default community was a tight-knit one. But as jobs in cities became plentiful, people began moving to major metropolises and away from family and friends. They began valuing work over home. Instead of allowing the sun to set the pace of the day, electric lights allowed people to log twelve-plus hour workdays. Then, as city housing grew increasingly unaffordable and people began moving to suburbs, their work and home lives grew even more distinct and less connected. So it can be worth asking those who are close to you and who you trust what they think of when they think of you. If it’s a real person rather than a work of fiction, it might be worth seeing if there are any documentaries or interviews that you could watch, or whether they have ever written an autobiography you could read.

Find Your People — Jennie Allen

You are merely uncovering the true nature of your unique self and even if it’s not what you expected, it’s still you. This is great for someone who is looking for that. I was hoping to gain more insight on how to further my relationship with my people and I would say this book is more for people looking to find their village.

11 Steps To Finding Yourself

So you should end up with a strong sense of identity, know your place in the world, be able to imagine a different future, and feel content with your life in general. Take up space with the people you think might be “your” people. Practice being open, saying what you feel, and being present with them. See how they react. The ones who stay with you in those moments of vulnerability, not judging you or criticizing you, are truly your people. Fast forward. As I read this I absolutely loved the message of building your community. About getting together more with friends. About building your relationships. But then it made me really panic. O my gosh I am an absolutely terrible friend! I have so many terrible flaws. How does my best friend even like me?! I have to immediately text her and apologize for being terrible!